I am a creature of habit, especially when it comes to makeup. I've worn the same foundation, the same bronzer, the same mascara, for
years. This is mostly due to the fact that
my skin cannot handle change, and partially due to the fact that I am makeup illiterate. You'd think I'd have absorbed at least some of the thousands of tutorials I've scrolled past on the 'gram, but no. The closest I've come is
my smokey eye "look", and even then...
Thankfully, I have my sister. Younger, cooler, and totally up on all of the latest beauty trends. I live vicariously through her Sephora trips
while I sit at home and tend to the mysterious hives on my face, which were most likely caused by either the laundry detergent I used or perhaps the apple I ate, one never quite knows. Though my skin broke out in a rash at the thought of trying her sparkly eyeshadow, there was one new purchase I had to get my hands on:
her Kylie Lip Kit. Her lips looked
so perfectly plump, and since swiping on lip gloss is within my (very limited) makeup application skill set, I let my curiosity get the best of me and set off to Ulta Beauty
to Keep Up With the Kardashians.
First of all, I'm old. Like, not
old, old, but 30 old.
Like, "missed the cutoff age to be walking into an Ulta beauty in search of Kylie lip kits" old. Couple that with the fact that I haven't updated my beauty routine since I bought my first set of scented Lipsmackers when I was 10, and in Ulta Beauty years, I'm
ancient. The internal convo went something like this:
Will they have the lip kits in stock? Is that a stupid question? They sold out in seconds online - should I call and ask? Please let them be in plain sight so I don't have to ask the teenage store associate to walk me over to them while I hang my head in shame... But as the doors parted and I walked into the CVS-makeup-aisle-on-steroids that is Ulta Beauty, there it was: the giant Kylie display!
And just as I suspected: most colors were sold out. I was left with a few shades that would've registered far more "clown" than "couture" on me, and the "Kristen," a deep red that exuded more sex appeal in its tiny little tube than I ever have in my entire life.
The most glammed up I ever get is when I wear my good leggings -
am I a Kristen kinda gal? But I was
not leaving empty handed, so I channeled my inner vixen, convinced myself I'm cool enough to rock a bold red lip, grabbed the Kristen, and
strutted headed to the cashier.
I ran straight to my car to apply my new purchase
in the hopes of transforming into King Kylie herself.
And I must say, I was so impressed. First of all, it dries in a flash, which means no lipstick-on-tooth awkwardness. Second,
it actually made my lips look fuller. Not quite "silicon lip implants" fuller, but definitely "post-Juvederm injection" fuller -
for a mere $29 (for the lipstick AND liner. Major props to Kylie). I admittedly looked at myself in the rear view mirror way too many times on the car ride home to admire my new pout (sorry to my fiancé, whose life was probably in danger in the passenger seat. Love you!).
Most importantly:
it stayed on for hours. And since I'm not a beauty blogger by any stretch of the means, I'm going to pass along what I think is the most valuable bit of information once could give with regard to a lipstick -
a list of foods I ate while wearing the lipstick without it rubbing off, which includes, in no particular order, pizza, chocolate chip cookies, salad, potato chips, pasta, mushroom risotto, potato skins, crème brûlée (
disclaimer: food was consumed on separate occasions while wearing said lipstick, not in one sitting. Although I probably could've consumed it all in one sitting, if we're being honest here...).
So I'm still not a Kardashian, but I will be a Kylie Lip Kit fan fo' life
(or at least until Ulta Beauty realizes I'm old AF and revokes my Ultamate Rewards membership). And while wearing the lipstick didn't quite catapult me to fame and land me on the cover of Forbes, when the call comes, I'll be ready...
Caution: Lips in Snapchat filter are smaller than they appear
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