THE MINI-MOON

Marriage [mar·riage /ˈmerij/]: "an intimate and ritually recognized union shared between two spouses"...and all of their Instagram followers. As a woman of a certain age (e.g., old enough to have witnessed the rise of Facebook yet young enough to have abandoned it due to its high concentration of middle aged divorcees), I have seen my fair share of weddings on social media and all of the attention that surrounds them. One flash of an engagement ring will rack up hundreds of likes and comments and catapult the poster into a new realm of Insta fame. The newly-engaged will ride this wedding wave for as long as humanly possible; taking every opportunity to boast about their new relationship status and all of the planning that comes with it.
I myself have fallen victim to the temptation a fourth finger ring brings, and admittedly spent a little too much time crafting a clever caption to accompany my own engagement announcement post (which, by the way, got hella likes). From the proposal itself, to engagement parties, to bridal showers and beyond, every wedding ritual will be celebrated and artfully staged so that there is no dip in the number of double-taps when it goes live on the 'gram. However, no ritual has been more obviously created to suit the digital age we live in than the most ridiculous of all the rituals: the mini-moon.

"What is a mini-moon" you might ask? A mini-moon, in simple terms, is a trip that couples take post-wedding that is not an actual honeymoon, but a pre-honeymoon. I'm not talking a one night getaway to wind down after the wedding and gear up for the big honeymoon trip - I'm talking a full-fledged vacation. Rather than spend three weeks island hopping in Greece, a mini-moon might be a "quick" (read: week-long) jaunt to Bermuda before a couple embarks on their actual honeymoon a few months later.

First off, there is nothing "mini" about these moons if you ask me. The fact that these couples are able to take time off for (and, quite frankly, able to afford) these lavish "mini" trips in addition to taking an even longer trip a few months later is mind-boggling from the perspective of someone who actually works in an actual office. Second, if any of these couples could hook me up wherever they are presently employed, I will happily forward my resume (I'm like not kidding).
And third, call me crazy, but since when is a trip of any duration taken within days of your wedding NOT a honeymoon? Since Instagram, of course.

The honeymoon concept dates back to 5th century Europe. At their wedding, couples were given a "moon's worth" (approximately a month's worth) of honey wine to drink together in the hopes they'd get drunk enough to do the nasty and pop out a kid nine months later. I guess back in an age where toothbrushes weren't a thing it makes sense that it took heavy alcohol consumption to facilitate any sort of intimacy...
Oral hygiene aside, the important thing here is the timeline: the traditional honeymoon was over and done within a month of the actual nuptials. And that is how it continued to be until the dawn of social media and the sensationalizing of all things wedding.

If you ask me, in it's purest sense, a mini-moon is a couple's attempt to keep their followers' interest now that the wedding is over. It's a way for couples to sample multiple influencer-frequented locales-du-jour (without committing to one as the place they chose as their Honeymoon destination should the pictures from one garner less likes than the other). A chance to extend the months of attention they have already received from their newly-tuned in audience because clearly they're not getting enough attention from their new spouse by categorizing not one, but two vacations under the heading of "wedding" so as to keep the popularity party going. In all honesty, no one will care as much about the second trip you have planned a few months from now if it's not cleverly disguised as some extension of the newlywed festivities. And you know what? That's fine. Because after all, you're spending quality time with the person you love the most, and that's all that matters, right? Right?! Plus, there's always that first anniversary post to look forward to...

So when you leave for your week-and-a-half trip to Tulum the day after your wedding, call it what it is: your honeymoon. And the three week trip to Australia you have planned four months from now? That's a vacation, and you'll receive the same treatment from us as any other person on vacation on social media: we'll most likely just be jealous. And for mini-moons, this is the only thing I will associate with that word from now on: